Well it’s that time of the year, time for my 2017 year in review. Time to reflect on accomplishments, growth points and failures. Time to examine where energy was well spent or wasted. Time to step back and refocus.

I used to use this period of time as a time to judge myself. I only focused on the negative and then went crazy making radical adjustments for the following year, most of which failed. If I’m honest and take a look back at the past five years, each one feels like a failed attempt at something. At finding the dream job, the dream life, the dream group of friends. Each year I lived and I learned something and I can take pride in those mistakes decisions. It sounds cliche but they truly have led to where I am.

2017 Year in Review: Highlights

• Starting Living Wonderfilled! I have met so many wonderful, creative people through this. I learn from them daily and most of them probably don’t realize it.
• Traveling to new places: Boston, LA, Louisville, Memphis and Clarksville.

2017 Year in Review: Important Lessons

• I was born to travel and write. I start to feel empty if I go too long without doing either.
• My family truly is everything. I always knew that, but I’ve never lived apart from every single family member. I’ve always lived near at least one person. I value them and every conversation more than I ever imagined.

So where am I? Lost as ever and yet that much closer to knowing what I want.

Life is an experiment. It’s about having a hypotheses, trying different variables out and discovering which work and which don’t. 2017 was one very large, risky experiment that has been costly but paid off. Why?

In October 2016 I moved to Nashville with a little money saved up and a place to crash. Right at the end of 2016 I started a job and got my very first adult apartment, so 2017 really was a completely fresh start. I had a handful of friends in this city, knew nobody at work and had no family nearby. I thought this was it: I had dreamt this dream and was now physically living it out. I can tell you firsthand that feeling doesn’t last. I quickly realized I had new dreams; this one wasn’t going to satisfy me forever.

It sounds ridiculous to say but that is a really hard thing to live with. I had planned and talked about moving here for so long. I had made it happen and suddenly it wasn’t enough. I felt like my new dreams and goals meant I had failed, like I had been wrong the whole time. It didn’t help that no one in my immediate circle could fathom dreaming my dreams. No one could grasp why I wanted what I started to want. Then the fears set in. You know, those fears people have when they’re worrying about you and want to protect you, so they project them onto you? Suddenly I was second guessing my dreams. Why wasn’t I happy, anyway? This is it. I am here, I am near friends, there is a path upward career-wise. All I had to do was keep going, staying and grinding and repeating that process. It was costly to get to this point but I had learned the most important lesson.

Here’s a shocker I learned about myself in 2017: I am truly a nomad. Six months in I was ready for the next place, the next challenge, the next adventure. Fall 2017, a friend was getting married and building a home. Another was buying a house. I was finding ways to streamline and make my life as portable as possible. Talk about a fish out of water. Talk about a complete 180 from the life I thought I’d wanted just a year ago.

So as 2017 closes, I’m thankful, nervous and anxious. Thankful to have gotten to make this dream happen. Nervous about how 2018 will pan out. Anxious to get it all going.