It’s not something I’d actually thought about before, but I was reminded that I will have accomplished three separate dreams before the age of thirty. Crazy, right?
Cut to several months ago. I found out I’d gotten in to the program in Spain and had moved past the excitement stage into the anxiety stage. There was so much to prepare! So there I was, sitting alone trying to gather myself and make plans, when my mom came in and saw me. I wasn’t saying or doing anything, but she can tell when I’m stressed. And in the way the best moms do, she reminded me of something.
I will have fulfilled three of my dreams before reaching the age of thirty. Well, before reaching 29 really. She was right, of course. It took a minute to even realize it, but in the past several years, I’ve accomplished three major dreams.
- Travel Europe, which I did twice. Once in 2012 with a really good friend from college and once on my own again in 2016.
- Move to Nashville, which I’d dreamt about since college. I wanted to move to Nashville after school, but nothing panned out and I ended up in Miami. That dream never went away until finally I sorted things out and made it happen in 2016.
- Live in Europe, which is happening now since I moved to Madrid in September 2018!
But we don’t – at least I don’t – think that way. I do the things and then move on to the next. I don’t allow myself to enjoy things enough. I hadn’t even realized that. Here I was, feeling mediocre and inadequate. We’d been talking to family friends who by all measures are completely successful in their professional lives and here I was. Living with my parents. Financially unstable. Naturally, I felt less than.
Plus, so many of my dreams changed. When I was younger my dream was to be a lawyer. Then a journalist. Then work in PR. The first two changed as I got older, and the PR dream pretty much failed. I didn’t get the job I wanted out of college and ended up taking a bunch of random things until I ended up in HR. And then out of nowhere I had all these other dreams. Those would change and develop, too. But this didn’t seem to be happening to any of my friends. Some wanted to become nurses, so they did it. Others wanted to become architects, and they did. They seemed to have reached this point of finality. This point in their lives where they had accomplished their dreams and they were happy. It felt like I was missing something, or like some chip in my brain was off somehow.
Obviously I was wrong. Those friends had accomplished their dreams and others had sprung up too, I just hadn’t noticed that part. When we grow up, everyone asks us what we want to be, as if there is supposed to be one answer, one final destination. Doctor, lawyer, the next Steve Jobs or Oprah. Nobody asks what you want to do in life. And of course, once you’ve worked so many years towards something, giving up or it not working out feels like a complete failure and total bust. Because that was the end goal, right? Wrong.
How to Adapt When Your Dreams Change
If you have a dream forever and then suddenly it’s not what you want? You. Can. Change. Your. Dream. You may have to continue on the path, but find time to stop and examine your situation. Recalibrate. Dreams changing aren’t a sign of failure, they’re a sign of evolution. You changed, so naturally your plans and goals will too.
Listen to your gut. Are you doing whatever you’re doing for yourself, or are you doing this for someone else? Trust me, at the end of the day your parents just want you to be happy. Becoming a doctor to please them and then being a miserable human doesn’t do anyone any good. It’s ok to be a bit selfish here. It’s your life, you’re the only one who has to live it every single day.
So yeah. Use this as a reminder. Don’t compare yourself to others. Your happy doesn’t match their happy. Success has a different definition to all of us, and changes over time. That is 100% ok and completely normal. Go after what you want. Dream big. Or maybe dream small. Also, remember to celebrate the big and small wins. Live in those moments. Relish them.
Here’s to many more dreams developing and evolving and me crushing them all!
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Beautiful dreams !! They truly do come true when you start making plans and putting them into action! Great post !
Yes Jessica exactly!!
Reading this post was really helpful for me as I’m at that stage where my dreams are changing (i guess). It’s that thing when everyone else seems to be happy except me. It will take time but i gues I’ll find my way. Thank you for sharing that. The things you’ve accomplished are amazing!
Well thank you so much for stopping by! It can seem silly to really stop and reflect, and for me there have been times when stopping to reflect was actually really difficult, but it’s worth it in the end! Good luck.