Well, I’m turning thirty today. (Turned 30? Turn 30? Who knows.) I’m feeling all kinds of strange ways about it, but mostly I’m just asking myself a bunch of questions. I honestly hadn’t even thought much of this birthday, until about six months out. When people found out this birthday was “the big 3-0” they started bombarding me with questions. You’re not married? You don’t have kids? What are you going to do? It’s like all of a sudden turning thirty means I’m supposed to have it all figured out. Like, ok. School. College. Marriage. Children. Done. It doesn’t end there folks.

Well, sorry to disappoint, but no. I’m not married or even in a relationship. I don’t have any kids and as far as what I’m going to do? Who knows. What I am focusing on is working towards answering the following questions for myself, and what they mean for me. 

What’s next?

I think growing up we (Americans) are generally taught to aim for some kind of career and family, and it kind of ends there. Obviously, you might get promoted at your job, but once you find your ‘calling’ you stick to it. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for me. I can’t just get my certification and suddenly be a lawyer, architect, nurse or teacher. My career path is a windy road that I continue to define and redefine. Right now I’m happy writing and building that career out. Next? Eventually I think I’d like to write a book, or maybe have a column on a website. 

Where do you see yourself living?

This one is truly hard for me. I’ve said it many times but I have commitment issues. I’ve never lived in one place for very long and as it stands, I have a hard time imagining myself living in some kind of forever home. It’s super contradictory because I’m also a homebody and love having a physical home of my own to come back to, but I can’t see where that would be. I’m content where I am right now in Madrid, but I can’t see this lasting (in this way) for much longer. I’ve also recently been bitten by the Ireland bug and have an urge to go and spend a chunk of time out there. Then there’s also a part of me that is really intrigued by van life, and I would love to have that experience in the US. I guess for now I’m thankful that I’m not tied to down to a anything and that my parents are able to store most of my stuff back in Florida. 

What about being single? Do you see yourself being single permanently?

I hate admitting it but being alone forever terrifies me. It’s ironic, because when I was younger I always said I’d never get married or have kids and that I would be single forever. My mom and grandmother would tell me not to say that because I might change my mind, and it might come back to bite me in the ass later on in life. Well, it’s biting me in the ass now. Yes, I would like to be in a relationship. Dating in Madrid is miserable but I’d like to have a partner, someone to come home to, to travel with and to share my life with. I think when I was younger, I must’ve thought I’d find a best girl friend who wanted to be single forever too, and we’d just be happy roommates? Not sure, but when you look around and your best friends all have their ‘person,’ it makes you long for your own. 

As far as the kids go, I’m no longer ruling it out, but I’m undecided. Only time will tell, but I’m definitely not there yet.

Takeaways on turning thirty?

For the most part, it’s just another year. It’s hard to ignore societal pressures but I’m going to continue doing so. I’m actively making an effort to build my career, meet people and really think about where and when my next move will be. I’m happy, healthy and grateful. I have amazing, supportive parents, sisters and friends that I genuinely couldn’t do life without. My daily life is an actual dream I had, made into reality. My students brought cakes, balloons and streamers today and made a huge deal for my birthday. What more could I ask for?